where can we stay between Anaheim and LA

My recommendation would be to stay closer to Disney and then make a day trip out of Universal. The two are very far apart and LA traffic is very bad, so at least you can minimize your time in traffic by having to commute a long distance for one of the parks. Considering the age of your kids, I'm guessing that they will probably enjoy Disney more. Besides, there are some fantastic kid-friendly hotels near disney. So any of the hotels recommended by the families on Trekaroo would be great.

http://www.trekaroo.com/places/anaheim-california/hotels

Highly recommend the hotels on 1600-1700 Harbor Blvd (so much cheaper). Walk to the park in under 3 minutes. We did Anaheim Plaza - very basic (not fancy) but had a good restaurant and kids eat free. You can get two adjoining rooms and put all the kids in one room maybe if they're old enough?

Other random tips:
1. Check out mousesavers.com for deals (you may be able to save a little).
2. You'll walk A LOT - be prepared for that. Depending on how young your kids are, have a stroller if you have young kids. I loved the walking, but for little kids it would be too much.

we're not much of a tour type of family, so i don't have much to offer there. depending on your style, it might be nice to try going on your own because it'll be easier to custom your trip to the interest of your kids versus the tour guide.

As for where to go. Hit Fantasyland first with Dumbo the Flying Elephant, the Mad Tea Party, Tomorrowland Speedway, It's a Small World (I think that's there too) and more. Then head over to Toontown and check out Mickey and Minnie's houses. Depending on how tired and adventurous your kids are, we love Splash Mountain. Be sure to check the height requirements on rides and plan out your route beforehand, so you don't wait time trying to figure out while you're at the park.

You might want to bring a very small flashlight for the younger children. I read this tip online somewhere and it was perfect for keeping my youngest one from freaking out. Since there are several rides that start off in the pitch blank like Peter Pan, Pirates, space mountain and others,
We would just have it on at the very beginning of the ride. Folks would always tell us to turn it off once the ride started, but that was enough to give my youngest the courage she needed!

You might also want to check out our article on making the most of Disneyland: http://www.trekaroo.com/traveltips/tip/more-disney-less-waiting-happy-kids